Adding detail to our writing

Some mysterious houses turned up in Room 8. We had to decide which house we would like to visit. We thought about what it looked like on the inside and the outside. Who might live there and the adventures we could have at the house.

We talked about the detail we would need to add to make the reader feel like they were visiting the house too.

I was waddling down the street and I glanced at four weird things. I bolted over there. It was elevators. I went in to one of the elevators...magically the elevator was going up because I stepped on a pressure plate. That's what happened. Now I was bored I was waiting waiting and waiting for a long time. Finally I got out of that stinky place. I was on an UFO cloud. It was amazing, there was a lolly shop floating on the cloud. A random ladder was bouncing and floating up in my face. I had to jump when the ladder was down. I had to trust my luck to jump. I made it! If I didn't make it I would fall to my death.

Author Teague  

Bubble bubble boil. "I wonder what that noise is?" Suddenly I turned round in a big surprise to see a gigantic teapot. "Should I go in?" I thought to myself but I'm not sure. "Who is in there? It might be scary" I said panting. I peeked into the window to see ten miniature gnomes staring at me. They came out and invited me to have some dinner. I came in to sit down. I asked to stay for an adventure. We went for an adventure. I found out there were booby traps by the door. The friendly gnomes must have been mean. Next they started to chase me through the booby traps. "I hate this" I moaned as I sprinted to the door. "We've got you now" they said. "Don't let her go out" The grumpy one yelled. So I kicked them in the head because they were short so I could reach their head. Their red wobbly hats popped off and bounced through the hallway. "Don't escape" they shouted but I pulled the door open. When they tried to come after me I slammed the door in their face their face turned bright red and angry. Quickly I ran back to my home and never told my mum the story.

Author Henrietta

As I was chopping the jungle leaves I came to a Lava Kingdom. I ran to investigate oooooooooo I heard a ghost at the door. I asked the ghost if I could come in and check out the kingdom. The ghost said "Yessssssss." I stood on a pressure plate. The pressure plate set off something. The roof opens. There was a massive pot of lava. The pot tipped. I ran to the door. I shut the door. I ran to the kingdom. I had my sword out. I saw 100,000 zombies. Dun dun dun. I saw a button. I'm not sure about this I thought it's going to set off a trap. I closed my eyes then pushed the button. I looked around the corner and the zombies were gone. There was a portal to go back home. I jumped into the portal. It will bring me back to my room. My parents were worried sick. I was banned from my i-pad for 12 months so I went on the computer. I wondered if I had the chance to visit the kingdom again?

Author George

"Visit if you dare little boy" cried the cranky woman who was 100 years old. She lived in a house made out of stone a lava. There were ginormous holes brimming with lava. I swaggered inside the house and looked at the walls. There were traps on the walls. I looked at the door. The door was made out of stone.I was able to climb it! On the walls were dead wolves, rodents and hares. Lava was everywhere. The old woman was wearing an old grey cloak and she had a pointy nose. When I was upside down on the ceiling and was nearly past the traps the old woman came to check if I was dead. She said "Where's that little rat bag?" Suddenly I dropped down behind her and I saw that her spine was nearly broken. I kicked her spine as hard as I could. I had broken her spine. Just to make sure I body slammed on her. I went through a door. There was a diamond mine and a gold mine. I stuffed my pockets with diamonds. The diamonds were softly glowing. I went out of the diamond mine and I had an idea. Use the lava for warmth and the house for a hide out. I used it for a hideout because no one would want to go in there. I made a machine that made portals. The portals were invisible so I made a mask that let me see the portals. I could come and go when I wanted.

Author Max

Oooooo I heard the spooky sounds of a ghost. I was in fear. I turned around and there was a big haunted house. I said to myself "should I go in?" but I said " Yes be brave Bowen." I went to knock on the door. There was a sign that said Beware. Someone opened the door it was a ...devil. It was red  it had a spiky tail and a big red fork. It was very big. There were mummies, zombies, skeletons, witches, ghosts and lava sharks. They were making an evil plan to terrorise everybody. I felt petrified. While nobody was looking I climbed a pole that carried all the blood red lava suddenly it cracked lava dripped...the zombies gasped "Sombody is here." I slid down the pole. They spotted me. I darted through the door. I got a special bomb. I thew it at the ground. It made a hole to my house. Did they follow me?

Author Bowen

Once I found a mushroom house and as soon as I touched it I shrank to the size of an ant but guess what I was a tiny hamster!!!! The mushrooms were incredible! The tallest house looked like it had castor sugar on top of it. The weirdest thing about it was a chestnut beside it, that was weird because it was super smelly inside and had caterpillars chomping on the walls. Then to my surprise there were two tiny hamsters in front of me. "Hello Chitter Cheese Face" they both said at once. "Our names are Bob and Fred. What's your name?" they said. "Neesha" I said. "We're taking you to the horrendous queen". I shivered with fear. When they took me there the queen sat there in her throne incredibly fat, her teeth her very big and her eyes were as green as slime. She loved chestnuts it was her favourite food. There were the remains of them all around her. Suddenly I realised that she had two giant crickets beside her throne she said I could have a ride on them. But when I was on it was freaky because they jumped so high like a plane. Suddenly I fell off and collapsed into a salt water pool Splash! Quickly I swam to the side. I grabbed the crickets leg and got dragged though the mud. Then I managed to climb on fewl!  When I was back at the palace the queen was in rage! The horrendous queen picked me up by my arm and flung me into the dungeon of death. Will I ever manage to escape?

Author Neesha

Visit if you dare said the creepy sign with red blood on it. It was at the front of the toadstool house. The bottom of the toadstool house was as white as a ghost and the top of the toadstool was ruby red. I went in the house and the carpet was all ripped up. I went into the bedroom and the little fairies were laying on the ground and watching TV. They didn't see me and I ran to the door and I slammed it and the fairies floated outside to see what the door slamming was. I quickly ran as fast as I could I ran into the forest and went to hide behind a tree. They opened the door and looked all around and they couldn't see me. They went inside and they started to cook potato. I started to climb up the tree  and they saw the tree leaves were shaking and they quickly flew outside and they looked up the tree. They saw me and I screamed with fear. I quickly climbed down the tree and I quickly ran as fast as I could and ran away. I could hear their wings fluttering around and they were still hunting for me. I wonder if they will ever find me?

Author Caitlyn

Beware little kids sharks will kill you was on the sign underwater. I was swimming suddenly I saw something with my goggles. I wondered what it was. I went closer and closer and I saw a blue and old house with an exploded door. I decided to go inside. I explored the house. Suddenly I found a secret underground entrance. It had everything I wanted. It had sparkly treasure. I stole all of the treasure. I tried to but it was too heavy. So I snuck a diamond from a box where you store diamonds. The diamonds were sparkling and sharp when I was holding it with my palm. Next I swam outside. I wondered will I be trapped in here forever? The massive sharks with the scary jaws were after me. I swam as fast as I could to land. When I looked back I could not see my house because the water was in my way.

Author Jeevanjot

Beware of the hungry big sharks said a sign surrounded by great gigantic human eating sharks. If I visited I would wear the sharks out by playing with them. When they're asleep I will sneak across the ocean and into the house. Suddenly I heard something lurking across the... Loch Ness Monster! I scrambled out the door of the house quietly across the ocean floor past the human eating sharks. When the Loch Ness Monster was out of sight, I sneaked across the ocean floor and swam across to one of the enormous windows and I saw a pitch black hairy animal with vampire looking teeth. His teeth look like sharp blades. His toenails are sharp like a an eagles sharp claws. He fell asleep in a chair in front of a square water bubble T.V. Luckily I had a chance to go back to the house. Slimy gloop was coming dribbling down the walls. "Oh" I sighed with excitement. "Awesome" I said thousands of paintings were hanging all over the house. Diamonds and crystals were hanging from the goopy slimy roof. Crack! One of the diamonds split and plonked on the Loch Ness Monster. He suddenly awoke from a deep sleep from 200 hours. All of a sudden his eyes went a deep red colour. I knew there was a sign of danger...suddenly the Loch Ness Monsters eyes all of a sudden went blue. He put a smile on his face and chased me around the fire place saying "Stop stop". I stopped with a skid. He offered me to tea. "Call me Goopey" he said. "Call me Faith" I said. "Visit another time this year." What would you do if you visited?

Author Faith

I like the underwater house.
Oh look I see sharks and orcas.

Oh oh I see land.
The mermaids live in the house and they gave me a potion to get a mermaids tail. In the house was lots of potions. There were dolphin potions and human potions. I swam to the potions and had a look at the potions and how much potions does $5 buy. I drank the potions and got a mermaids tail. I swam around with the fish and the crabs, The crabs ran away so I played with the fish. I drank the potion and I got my legs back.

Author Gemma

Oh no Gemma drank the potion. Will her feet ever come back?